This is what I was learning this week:WALT independently improve our work by adding interesting language to enhance the mood we are trying to create
I think I was successful because I have loads of interesting language such as humour, hyperbole,adjectives,repetition
I still need to learn to remember to use full stops instead of commas.
Splash!Splash! Mud and water went up my face.It dropped to the ground Splat!. maybe we should go back to when we arrived.Let’s go to the beginning.
It was a long long long time ago actually it was just 5 minutes ago. We had arrived at Okaihau for my cousin’s rugby game and straight away.Crazy me jumped out with excitement and ran to the muddy puddles and jumped in them as much as I can.Splash! Splash!
Then I made the biggest mistake of my life It was…….Splashing my mum.I fell with laughter the look on her face was to die for. It was hilarious but on the other hand my mum was having a temper. Her face was bright red.I knew by the look on her face that I was walking home. My dad came over to see what happend. My little annoying brother followed like a little duck following his mum except he followed my dad.Splash! Splash!"Opps!" I quivered (I did not know dad was right behind me). “Bye” I said while I was running away, I ask my nana and papa if they could take me home.
Five thousand years later my cousin and his team lost their rugby game.Here I am, saying “ Is this all we spent five thousand years for them to lose really well i’m out of here” then I could feel something behind I didn’t know what it was but it was a huge big fat...Ohh It was just my cousin covered in the most mud I could ever see a person covered,It was like he was a magnet but a mud one and every little piece of mud was on him.I couldn’t stop laughing he was the mud monster.I heard about him but I didn’t know he was real even if he was real I can’t believe that he was my cousin.
All night I couldn’t stop laughing because he had to take at least more than twenty showers,the water would of been cold by now or at least getting cold.I will never forget about that time that my cousin was the mud monster NEVER NEVER NEVER.
Hiya Kaya, I'm Hilary from Hauraki Room,in the Te Waka Ako block at Waikowhai Primary School. I'm a year 6 just like you! I thought that your recount was funny. It made me think about when I tried to make my recounts interesting but it sometimes ended up a little funny. Have you thought about your punctuation, your capital letters and a space before each sentence? If you would like to see my learning blog please enter this link: http://wpshilaryg.blogspot.co.nz/
ReplyDeleteBlog ya later!
Thanks alot Hilary.
DeleteKia ora my name is Izzy and I am a year 6 student at Waikowhai Primary School,
ReplyDeleteI really love your writing and found it very interesting. It made me think about when I fell over in the mud and got really dirty, my mum got quite angry. Maybe next time you could think about putting the capital letters in the right places.
If you want to see my learning blog here is the address: http://wpsisabeller.blogspot.co.nz/
I would love to see a comment from you!
blog you later,
Izzy
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteHi Kaya,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Caitlin and I am a student in Te Waka Ako at Waikowhai primary school. I really like your story about the mud monster I thought it was really creative and it had a lot of interesting words in it. Your story made me think about writing in our school and doing a lot of different kinds of story's. I also like all the funny and cool adjectives you added to make your story come to life. Have you thought about maybe using sumo paint to create a picture that relates to your story so a reader can see what your writing about. I just wanted to ask a question What is your favourite peace of work? Thanks Bye =)
Hi Kaya
ReplyDeleteThis is Darlene here from Waikowhai Primary School. I really liked your writing about your topic. That you have been writing about I like this writing because we have lots of time to write about the topic that you've done this made think about how we do writing in all three spaces that we have at our school and we have to write about something that we've been given from our teacher. I like this kind of writing because it makes me think about how we write in class. If you want to see things on my blog go to http://www.wpsdarlener.blogspot.co.nz/